A FREEWRITE JOURNAL ABOUT NOT WANTING TO PLAY IN THE SNOW

I'm waiting for the next moment.  Even with an Alias like the white light devil, I still long for what comes next.  But, that's life.  Sometimes things just suck.  Today I'm thankful for my family.  My wife and kids.  All I wanted to do was drink the night away.  Instead I started to paint.  Then.. something really cool happened.  My kids came down and painted with me.  I could feel the emotional wall I'd been building all day crumble.  And my wife knew it.  She sent the kids to paint with me.  In a world  where loneliess grows alongside and still faster than connectivty... the silly little moments really matter.  I'm actually a little mad at how happy that hour or two made me.  That that's all it took.  And that I spent all day thinking it was something different.  I'm not perfect.  And tomorrow I'm sure I won't take my own advice.  But, it sure feels like we should really swallow our pride and get out of our own way and play in the snow.  Throw kids in pools.  Play the board game when you don't want to.  What's the worst that can happen.. you still don't want to?  

"Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?" - Albert Camus