Notes on "Time When It's Gone"

The past few days, I've been pondering the idea that maybe instead of recording a song, I can write about it. Not saying I won't start recording music again, but right now this feels more interesting to me. Hopefully, one day I can do both. This is just a place for me to jot down my thoughts and share a little about the things I'm doing. I may use this approach with some old songs too and explore how they've changed with me over time.

I hope it's clear this song is about becoming a living ghost. One that's wasted time - like we all have. One that's spent the majority of its life waiting in line for the ride called living. It's baffling that a creature intelligent enough to acknowledge its own mortality can be ignorant enough to actively ignore it.

It's the pressure, I think. We know the buzzer will sound. It's not if, it's when. Every so often - asking the ref, "How much time have we got left?" We jog around watching the real players play. When we get the ball, we close our eyes and throw it at the basket in a panic, hoping to hear a swish with no real belief that we will. Luck is now God. The decider.

Most of this song is self-explanatory. We know we miss time when it's gone. We know we want more of it. I think what I was working through when I wrote this was whether it's even possible to let that go. To forget that time exists. To forget the need to make good memories in order to actually make them. How do we relieve the pressure?

It feels like a sad song. Parts of it are. But I don't think we all inevitably end up in this ghostly state because we're dumb or weak. It's actually the opposite. The line, "I would walk through walls for you—turns out I can and I do," for me, could be about being a husband and a father. It's not sad. It's necessary. It's magic. It's sacrifice. It should happen. I meet invisible, fake obstacles every day. I do it knowing that I lose a part of myself every time. And this is a good thing.

Some will say it's sad. I prefer nostalgic. I could maybe let melancholy slide. Either way, at some point we reach an apex and realize we've swam out a little too far. We start to notice some of the magic we hold is not normal, and though we walk through walls, we should still be able to see ourselves in the mirror. This is the dangerous part. The dark side of existentialism. A reminder that in order to take care of others, you must take care of yourself. Easier said than done.

We tend to need trials and tribulations to gain, or prove, belief in God. Again, this feels sad, and sometimes it is, but you've just got to live. Take care of the family. The kids. Yourself. When I look back, I truly hope I can say, "time well spent." Especially for a poor old ghost like me.

 

Fully devoted trust in luck

that's time when it's gone / time when it's gone

Nothing a man could want more than

time when it's gone / time when it's gone

I would walk through walls for you

Turns out I can and I do

Another night blinded by light

that's time when it's gone / time when it's gone

Nothing a man could fear more than

time when it's gone / time when it's gone

I float covered in a cloak of truth

I can't speak so I wear it for you

I'm too gone and still I wait

Something's wrong with me

If this is true and nothing's at stake

Well - I'm just living at my wake

I would walk through walls for you

Turns out I can and do

 

 

WLD | JB